is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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