you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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