Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
