ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
