DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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