remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
