I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
