I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
