He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
