I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize