those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
