pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
