We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
