u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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