I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
