I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
