i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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