I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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