people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
