can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also, beer. Big fan.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
