this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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