Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
