the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
