U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
