I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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