i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize