Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
