guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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