I wish I could teleport
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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