First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
