She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
