I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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