Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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