Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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