please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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