I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have post one night stand depression
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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