Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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