it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
