so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
