just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
