just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
