I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
