You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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