He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
