i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
