at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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