Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
