lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
