im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
