how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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