Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
