You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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