fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize