So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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