i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She even gives head with a lisp.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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