CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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