apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Shame - the story of my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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