god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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