Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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