Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
