We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
