So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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