I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
