At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
