What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
