you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
