Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They took my balls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
