i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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