I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
