evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I need to stop coming to work sober
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize