Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
