Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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