My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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