so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
